Three weeks ago I started this blog post; and look at me just now getting to the finish line. It is so relevant to what I was thinking then and what is rattling in my mind now.

You see it was one o’clock in the morning when this one was started; and I was about to finally put my head on the pillow. The day had been long and well traveled. Two airports, two planes and a drive home with music up loud. While I was exhausted, the mind would not cease and I started thinking of the millions of unchecked items on the to-do list.

Did I get those things accomplished for work? Do I have enough valuable content for the listeners of the podcast? Did I finalize that guest on the schedule? Should I get a blog authored and posted? Did I do the right thing reaching out to the other adoptee cousin? Are the relationships I am building while in reunion going to be maintained? Can those relationships that are not going well heal? Do they think of me as often as I think of them?

Whew I am tired just writing about it! Yet while I am exhausted I know I will struggle with each of those questions, and many more, for the days and weeks to come. I am in a major life transition, taking on more career responsibilities while navigating adoption reunion. I am my own worst enemy many many times, especially during a major life transition. I am afraid to relax or say no. I don’t want anyone to believe I can’t handle it all. So I go all in, say yes and watch as it quickly adds up to needing all of the 24 hours in each day. Right now I need all the availability of time that can be mustered.

Now you might be thinking, I am holding onto a lot of baggage and asking why? I already know it is not a race. It’s a not a competition. There’s no trophy. There’s no medal. There are not people waiting to cheer for me because I did the most amount of things possible within the last 24 hours. Yet, I am standing here barely able to move with my baggage. Here I am a bit perplexed and reflecting on what should I do with them.

My conclusion here at the kitchen table is that a fair number of them need to go. So as I work to do just that, here into this wee hours of the night session, do you mind coming along for the ride? Ready, set and go!

• Did I get those things accomplished for work? Maybe not all of them, but enough for a 12 hour day, so I am going to put that bag down.

• Do I have enough valuable content for the listeners of the podcast? My goal is just to help one person when they need it. I am going to stop fretting and let it go.

• Did I finalize that guest on the schedule? Maybe I did and maybe I didn't. But when I get back to scheduling I can confirm and if they are still interested, bonus. Wadding that one up and shooting for the trash bin.

• Should I get a blog authored and posted? Yes, take the time and check it off. Once completed never look back at that bag.

• Did I do the right thing reaching out to the other adoptee cousin? What's done is done. No turning back so let it go too.

• Are the relationships I am building while in reunion going to be maintained? Tomorrow is not promised, so let's put this one in the box.

• Can those relationships that are not going well heal? It takes two to tango and they are not interested. Walk away sister, walk away.

• Those newly found biological family members, do they think of me as often as I think of them? Stare at it a bit more and then move forward. Your heart is pure and that is all that matters.

• Saying yes to things I hate just because I am too worried I will hurt someone's feelings and look bad? Garbage; pure garbage and take it to the curb.

• Comparing my life to what I assume someone else’s is like because they were raised within the biological family? Adoptee have you learned nothing on this journey? Absolutely, without a doubt, place that bag on the ground, give it a good kick and leave it there.

• Wishing I could go back and change the past? Turn and back away from the bag slowly as not to disturb the cosmic forces.

• Worrying about the future? Run away, girl. Run away fast.

Now for the last and biggest bag:

• Believing I am only worthwhile if I am everything to everyone every second of every day? Nope, not today, Satan. NOT TODAY!!!

Adoptee, I don’t know what you’re carrying. I have not the slightest clue. However, I hope you’ll take care of you, open up to someone and let them shoulder some of the weight. I hope you’ll give someone an opportunity to be there for you in your time of need. But if you’re anything like me, and I have a feeling you probably are, sometimes we just get anxious and stressed out. We just start grabbing onto all those bags and clutching to them like crazy. We forget they might be the very items robbing us of our peace. Create your mantra of doing what you can, being who you are and only carrying the important baggage.

Find your people, cherish your people and love your people!