Birthday and Cousins
Welcome to February!
It is my birthday month and I am days away from celebrating a milestone. Yes, I am going through a series of emotions, never-ending thoughts and urges. If you are one of my regular readers, you know 2021 turned out to be a bit difficult towards the end with the loss of my biological mother. What I have not shared in the past is how close our birthdays were in days; three. So processing the next few days might be a bit of a challenge, therefore I am going to focus my attention on the beauty of family.
As the social media gurus you and I are these days, it stands to reason there might be a strong belief we have been scrolling for more than a hot minute. It is also not far-fetched to think it probable we have both come across the the meme stating a person’s first friends are their cousins. Interesting perspective and one which causes me to pause, consider the validity of the statement and apply it to my own lived experience.
I am fascinated with nature vs nurture and the implications it has had on me as an adoptee. Now this exercise might test all of my critical thinking skills, but here I go in making an effort. You guessed it; I am going to conduct a compare and contrast between my adoptee family and biological family. We adoptees have a tendency to do that right? Compare?
When I use the term, compare, it is not to place value as in one is more or less than the other, actually it is quite the opposite. It is to admire how many things are the same despite the circumstances. If I look at the logistics of the families on both ends of the spectrum, I find a great many things in common starting from the great-grandparent generation and working down to mine.
Both of the families connected to me could be considered pioneers in a brave new land, homesteading to farm and build families. I giggle at the building families part because it is one of the many things they excelled at accomplishing.
On both ends of the spectrum, my families are very large. I have so many cousins which fall into any one of the familial categories of first, once removed, second, third and fourth it can be difficult to keep it all straight.
Honestly I don’t even try keeping straight who is what level of cousin to me. What I focus on is our relationship. The one we build together despite the entry point into each others lives.
So are my cousins my first friends? In both family instances, adopted and biological, the answer is yes. There are definitely some who are my first friends, my longest living friends, my best friends and my newest friends. Regardless of familial position or duration of relationship, they have all been amazing arms of support in this adoptee’s search and reunion.
Love ya cousin!!!
Find your people, cherish your people and love your people!
