I am going to be blunt, I really don’t know where I stand on this topic anymore.

Many moons ago I considered adopting in an effort to pay it forward. You know, an act of gratitude for having been given life myself. Time marched on and the possibility of adopting or having my own children lapsed.

As the various clocks ticked away, the desire to find the first me intensified and so the biological search ensued. It was fraught with many highs and lows, but ultimately biological parents were identified. Getting there required large volumes of research, significant time, energy and patience. Through it all I started noticing a shift in my perspective of adoption.

When I say a shift in perspective, I am not talking seismic levels, but very gradual moves from extreme gratitude to questioning some of the normalized practices and narratives.

Specifically those associated with closed adoptions, abandonment, trust, trauma and information access for the adoptee. When reading the list of items from above I reflect on how deep each one has recently cut into my psychology being. The cuts have me asking: is adoption a wise option? Is adoption good or bad?

The real answer is it can be both and neither. Every adoptee experience is their own; and while they may have similar events in common no two are the same. My own acknowledgment of these differences is why I am now conflicted on adoption as a solution.

Resolution to this conflict is my own personal work in progress. An honest, tormented and beautiful work of art.

Find your people, cherish your people and love your people!